‘Recent Tragic Events’ (Waverly)

WAVERLY: Do you know what it’s like to have a twin? No you don’t.  Because it’s really different from not having one.  It’s so much different and better, you can’t even imagine! And if something’s happened to her … you don’t know, I’m totally screwed.   Because it’s really different from not having one.  It’s so much different and better, you can’t even imagine!  And if something’s happened to her … you don’t know, I’m totally screwed.  Because all my life there have been parts of myself I haven’t looked at, and things I wanted to do I haven’t done, because I knew that Wendy would do them?  So I never had to be wild, I never had to go nuts and be put away in some hospital, I never had to do those things because I knew she would do them, and then she and I would hook up again and we’d stay up all night and talk and it would all be integrated, we’d be a whole person together.  She’s my twin.  So I went to college while she went to Europe, and I’ve always had my s— together and she’s always been a wreck, and I go into this office every day with cubicles and jerk guys – “Smile! Smile!” – and stupid campaigns and stupid clients, people calling me at seven at night just as I’m finally getting out of the office, calling from L.A. to tell me the ad for the rebroadcast of some Eddie Murphy movie on the USA network just isn’t exactly what they were hoping for, and so I put down my bag and I sit down and call the poor stupid writer at home and try to make it work.  And if Ron calls me and he needs something, I try to make it work. I spend all day every day trying to make it work, for everyone! And sometimes I do get a little mad and think, why can’t I be the one who’s a mess and has all the fun?  But I don’t know what I’ll do if she isn’t around, you know? I don’t know what I’ll do.

More Monologues from ‘Recent Tragic Events’